Seriously? Shaking my head at that. Like just accept who you are unnamed guy.
I should do the same though. You're not wrong. I just kept holding onto the part of me that's all sunshine. I just have to figure out how my interests mesh with who I've always acted like. It's a bit weird.
I always tried being nice and friendly, yet there's this pit of rage and I can't ignore the fact that sometimes after I've killed someone I feel relaxed. Like the tension has gone away.
It means you're a killer, Annie - as I am, and as Eridanus is. There is nothing wrong with that.
There's no reason you cannot be a friendly killer, either. Personally, I've always found that when one embraces their heart's desire, the counterfeit pieces of their person fall away on their own. Like a worm crawling from its cocoon as a butterfly, or perhaps a child losing their teeth - there is no need to rush something that will happen naturally with time. Freedom is as simple as pursuing what feels right and releasing what does not.
I didn't think I was a killer. I used to think I did what I needed to because I had no choice.
But I did have choices. I could have gone to the food pantries that were set up. I didn't though because I hated the idea of being weak. I wanted to be strong in the face of all the bad things that were done to me. If that made me into a murderer then so be it but at least I still have a voice and agency when it comes to who I kill.
I even have my own rules. Standards make us who we are.
I don't know what feels right anymore but at least I don't hurt so much.
Not to worry. You'll learn in time, and you've always been a quick study - haven't you, little scholar?
Of course, don't feel as though you have to waste the meager effort needed to answer that. It's evident enough in the way you already grasp something that's so difficult for others to see - or that others are so eager to turn a blind eye to, at the least. The galaxy is filled with an endless multitude of weak souls who will simply lie down and accept a death decided for them by another's hand. You could have been one of them - but, of course, your will is stronger than that. That is precisely what has set you apart from so many others, even now. You're no fainthearted coward, desperate to pretend every breath we draw is anything but what it is: a choice.
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<a.dyer> cw: murder idealation
I should do the same though. You're not wrong. I just kept holding onto the part of me that's all sunshine. I just have to figure out how my interests mesh with who I've always acted like. It's a bit weird.
I always tried being nice and friendly, yet there's this pit of rage and I can't ignore the fact that sometimes after I've killed someone I feel relaxed. Like the tension has gone away.
I don't know what that means.
<aeternus>
There's no reason you cannot be a friendly killer, either. Personally, I've always found that when one embraces their heart's desire, the counterfeit pieces of their person fall away on their own. Like a worm crawling from its cocoon as a butterfly, or perhaps a child losing their teeth - there is no need to rush something that will happen naturally with time.
Freedom is as simple as pursuing what feels right and releasing what does not.
<a.dyer>
But I did have choices. I could have gone to the food pantries that were set up. I didn't though because I hated the idea of being weak. I wanted to be strong in the face of all the bad things that were done to me. If that made me into a murderer then so be it but at least I still have a voice and agency when it comes to who I kill.
I even have my own rules. Standards make us who we are.
I don't know what feels right anymore but at least I don't hurt so much.
<aeternus>
Of course, don't feel as though you have to waste the meager effort needed to answer that. It's evident enough in the way you already grasp something that's so difficult for others to see - or that others are so eager to turn a blind eye to, at the least.
The galaxy is filled with an endless multitude of weak souls who will simply lie down and accept a death decided for them by another's hand. You could have been one of them - but, of course, your will is stronger than that.
That is precisely what has set you apart from so many others, even now. You're no fainthearted coward, desperate to pretend every breath we draw is anything but what it is: a choice.